Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize