He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
