What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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