Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Less talking, more tequila
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
