Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
