She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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