Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize