Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
