I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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