yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
