fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All the doctor said was why
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
