I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
