Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
