i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
