i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
handjob tips. give me some.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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