Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
