so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
