I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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