you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
