I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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