is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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