You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This toilet bowl is my home.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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