Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
