just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
