wrigley field is MILF paradise
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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