I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
