I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
