He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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