I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
