I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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