I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize