it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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