Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize