so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
