It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
