all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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