Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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