I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
