is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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