The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
