i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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