Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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