I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need a beard to bite.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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