we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
