Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
