you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize