You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
