Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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