I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
