I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
