sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
