dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
