I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
