I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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