Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
