I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Randomize