She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
