believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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