Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he shaved USA in his pubs
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
wow bdsm is so cute
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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