Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
