After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
