i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
