with your own penis?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
