I don't remember. Are we still dating?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
