walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How's work?
Spinning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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