was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
