We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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