My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
