remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
