No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Come see our sink grown plant.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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