I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
only you would photoshop your dick
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
