i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
