so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
