also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
