We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
