I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
