Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
