So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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