You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize