that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
