The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
