so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
