Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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