like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
