when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
