My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize