Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
