Your dad touched me again.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
