Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize