just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
