I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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